Living A Meaningful Life
Ten days ago, Aqeela Davids did an unusual thing. She posted this. She told the world that she had failed her South African Institute of Chartered Accountants (SAICA) exam.
Her post triggered hundreds of comments. In amongst the advice and the encouragement were stories of others who had failed, and then continued. For some, the failure was years behind them, the scars hidden under layers of subsequent success, for others it was fresh, painful, and confusing.
It struck me that Davids’ post was the epitome of living a meaningful life.
Through being vulnerable, in sharing a painful moment in her journey, she created thousands of new connections and space for others to be more authentic. She did not seek to find a ‘life lesson’ in it; that kind of reframing doesn’t always enable growth. She looked for advice as to how to pass the next time.
Her willingness to reflect on failure, to seek support to grow, and to create space for others inspired today’s letter on living a meaningful life.
/ STRATEGY
As promised in this letter, we return to Carol Dweck’s work.
Her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success differentiates between fixed and growth mindsets.
She explains the difference saying, “When you enter a mindset, you enter a new world. In one world – the world of fixed traits – success is about proving you’re smart or talented. Validating yourself. In the other – the world of changing qualities – it’s about stretching yourself to learn something new. Developing yourself.”
Aqeela Davids’ post demonstrates what it means to live with a growth mindset.
All of us live in both worlds, sometimes approaching situations with a fixed mindset, sometimes with a growth. It is the capacity to spot when we are in a fixed mindset, and shift out of it, that allows us to be open to taking the actions, and integrating the learning, necessary for growth and success.
Approaching life with a fixed mindset robs you of meaning and joy. It locks you in a world of anxiety, one where you are always about to fall short and therefore be inferior.
A growth mindset accepts that, “Every lapse doesn’t spell doom. It’s like anything else in the growth mindset. It’s a reminder that you’re an unfinished human being and a clue to how to do it better next time.”
Dweck says, “Believing that your qualities are carved in stone – the fixed mindset -creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character – well, then you’d better prove that you have a healthy dose of them. It simply wouldn’t do to look or feel deficient in these most basic characteristics.”
She elaborates, “In the fixed mindset, everything is about the outcome. If you fail—or if you’re not the best—it’s all been wasted. The growth mindset allows people to value what they’re doing regardless of the outcome. They’re tackling problems, charting new courses, working on important issues. Maybe they haven’t found the cure for cancer, but the search was deeply meaningful.”
We can all develop a growth mindset by embracing a journey committed to learning. It is a process. A growth mindset isn’t a mindless cheerleading of all effort and failure. It is about a commitment to “hard work, trying new strategies, and seeking input from others.”
Remember we all have fixed mindset moments, so building an awareness of when it arises can help you switch into a growth mindset, alleviating anxiety and giving you the possibility of pursuing meaning.
In an organisational context, growth-oriented leaders see talent AND learning as important. They approach people with a commitment to helping them identify and build on their strengths. They give feedback that promotes insight, learning and experimentation.
As Dweck says, “Create an organization that prizes the development of ability—and watch the leaders emerge.”
/ SELF
I realise that it is tricky and perhaps even tiresome to speak of a growth mindset in our current context.
To be sure, there are days where I just want to hide under a duvet. Growth can just go and…well…grow somewhere else…
However, that is ultimately a path to deepening disconnection and sadness, and so I thought we’d revisit Christine Runyan’s conversation with Krista Tippet.
In last week’s letter we spoke of how naming the sadness that we are experiencing has enormous power. Indeed, Dweck echoes this approach – recognizing and naming fixed mindset moments is a powerful first step.
Runyan explains that naming activates our capacity for self-observation. In observing ourselves, we create the possibility for pausing, and in that moment of pause we create the possibility to choose an approach that adds meaning that builds. Creating pauses, being deliberate about pausing, opens new possibility.
Runyan recommended three more tactics that may help you:
- A deep sigh, a long exhale calms the nervous system. Nice to use in this overwhelming time, nice to use when that fixed mindset turns up…just sigh it away…
- Scent and sound can bypass your overactive thinking brain and help you settle. Buy a beautiful candle, light some incense, have a fragrant bath, listen to sounds that make you feel safe and songs that make you smile.
- ‘Savouring’ helps reignite your fascination with the world. If you’re fascinated, you’re engaged, open to meaning and growth. Savouring is simply, consciously appreciating the pleasure that something gives you. It can be the smell of freshly squeezed lime, the bitter bite of dark chocolate, the smell of a favourite perfume. Choose something each day and savour it.
/ SOUL
In the lead-up to South Africa’s Freedom Day, on 27 April, Jay Naidoo wrote this Daily Maverick piece inviting us to explore our ‘inner Madiba’. It is worth reading in its entirety.
He asks, “What did Madiba do in his 27 years in jail?”
And answers, “He went deeply within himself. To know who he was. What he had to do to make his life worthwhile. In his prison cell, no bigger than a bathroom, he made that most important journey of his life.”
Naidoo says that Mandela did this work because, “every war has to end with the protagonists sitting around the table to rebuild the bridges of healing our bleeding wounds and building a more intelligent cooperation” and to “shepherd us through a dangerous terrain of explosive violence into the opening up of a new chapter in our history.”
In his closing paragraphs, he notes “My last 27 years have convinced me that changing the system is not rocket science. The biggest challenge we face is changing the human being.”
Indeed, the biggest challenge we face is changing the human being.
To build a meaning life, to create a humane world, we can start with ourselves.
Pausing to savour and revitalise. Pausing to see where we view ourselves and others through a fixed mindset. Pausing to embrace the possibility of enabling growth for ourselves and others.
In doing that we can ensure that “In time, we shall be in a position to bestow on South Africa (and the world) the greatest possible gift – a more human face” (Steve Biko).
Thank you to Derek Thomas, managing director of Letsema Holdings, who brought Naidoo’s article to my attention, and historian Dr Nomalanga Mkhize who reminded me of Biko’s words.
I wish you a week of growth.
Karl
PS: If you enjoyed this letter and haven’t yet subscribed, you can do so here, and for the occasional extra snippet follow me on LinkedIn and Instagram.
(This letter was first published on 9 May 2021)