245: How to learn a lot; Be Comfortable with the Uncomfortable
““The world is like a mask dancing. If you want to see it well, you do not stand in one place”
Chinua Achebe, adaptation of an Igbo proverb in Arrow of God.
Good morning friends
Today is my birthday, for the third, and probably last time it falls on Easter Sunday. I am not being pessimistic. The next time this happens is 2087 and I am at the age where the compliments are of the order of “You’re so lucky that your grey is even” (last week’s hairdresser). It is of course possible that I’ll make it to 114, but the odds are small. In any event, I hope you’re having as good a day as I intend to.
Last night, before today’s writing began, I swam at Windmill Beach. As winter arrives, the tourists retreat, and the birds return. A cormorant again hunted beneath me whilst I drifted in the cold, the shrill call of dozens of terns carpeted the air above me as dusk lured them to settle on grey granite. It those moments, it is hard to imagine a better place. It was a good beginning to a birthday.
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/strategy
On more than one occasion, I have encountered a peculiar phenomenon in professional life. I’m sure you’ve encountered the same.
Analysis is presented. It shows a downward trend. And then, the justifications come – it’s temporary. The numbers are wrong. You’re being negative.
At that point, only the pattern has been revealed. No reason offered. No blame apportioned. And yet, in many workplaces, that is where we go – this is unsafe, let’s defend or hide.
Way back in 524, the Roman senator and philosopher Boethius wrote, “All fortune is good fortune; for it either rewards, disciplines, amends, or punishes, and so is either useful or just”.
This seemingly easy formulation requires courage. All too often we default to dismissing that which brings discomfort.
Julie Zhuo, in a more contemporary expression of the principle, suggests, “strive for all your one-on-one meetings to feel a little awkward. Why? Because the most important and meaningful conversations have that characteristic. It isn’t easy to discuss mistakes, confront tensions, or talk about deep fears or secret hopes, but no strong relationship can be built on superficial pleasantries alone” (The Making of a Manager).
Being comfortable with the uncomfortable, being genuinely curious, can uncover all manner of unseen possibility.
Three approaches help.
- Assume it is true. So much energy goes to arguing about are the numbers right, of course, accuracy is critical, but to expand your strategic thinking just assume its true. It helps turn the energy to solutions.
- Think systemically. The temptation is to hunt for someone to blame. Don’t. That’s lazy. Instead, explore. ‘What decisions, systems, processes and pressures (internal and external) led us here?’
- Look to the future, ‘Knowing this, what should we stop doing, what could we do better, what could we start doing?’
Engaging with bad news creates a safer more honest organisation. With knowledge comes possibility. With possibility comes choice. With choice comes considered, appropriate action.
(Listen to the Signals contains a cautionary tale about the consequences of not hearing).
//self
Meditation and mindfulness are powerful ways of learning from ourselves. Yet, in the peculiar way of our lives, what should be a gentle, consistent exploration of being alive becomes a performative seeking of perfection. We imagine we must get to a transcendent thoughtless plain. We don’t. We abandon all efforts, denying ourselves the possibility of understanding ourselves and our motivations. Remember, a little bit of understanding is better than none at all.
Perhaps this exchange between someone struggling with meditation and the yogi Milarepa will help:
I can contemplate the sky,
But clouds make me uneasy.
Milarepa, tell me how
To meditate on clouds.
“If the sky’s as easy as you say,
Clouds are just the sky’s play.
Let your mind stay
Within the sky.”
I can contemplate the sea,
But waves make me uneasy.
Milarepa, tell me how
To meditate on waves.
“If the sea’s as easy as you say,
Waves are just the sea’s play.
Let your mind stay
Within the sea.”
I can contemplate my mind,
But thoughts make me uneasy.
Milarepa, tell me how
To meditate on thoughts.
“If your mind’s as easy as you say,
Thoughts are just the mind’s play.
Let your mind stay
Within your mind.”
Our histories and our thoughts, are our most powerful assets. While they are undoubtedly shaped by others, they are uniquely ours. No-one else has our exact experiences. Reflecting on them, helps us find our places of pain and power. And, with that grounding, we can act consciously. Without it, we are simply pushed and pulled by the noise of life and the plans of others.
///soul
The Safekeep by Yael van der Wouden was shortlisted for 2024’s Booker Prize.
Fifteen years after WW2, Isabel lives in her childhood home in a rural Dutch province. She wasn’t born there. Her family moved there in the winter of 1944. She was eleven. The house was, peculiarly, full – cutlery, crockery, a chest filled with toys – as if another family had left it behind, perhaps in a hurry, but, in later years, she reasoned, that couldn’t be so. It was their house. They had bought it.
Her brother’s lover, Eva, comes to live with her. At a point (and what a journey that is), she becomes her lover and then, one early morning, Isabel opens Eva’s diary, her intent to admire her handwriting, its first two pages are a list, an inventory of the household’s contents, innocuous items like teaspoons that had steadily gone missing since Eva’s arrival. Eva is evicted. Again.
Safekeep’s backdrop is one of repossessed houses, sold because their owners could no longer make payments. A legitimate transaction you might muse. Their owners were in Hitler’s concentration camps.
Van der Wouden allows Eva and Isabel the grace of seeing each other both in and outside their histories. They reconnect. It is a hopeful telling. She reminds us that even in the grand sweep of history, even as awful powerful forces distort our vision, there always exists the space to make personal decisions of love and power. All we need do is see and choose.
But wrapped in that hopeful blanket is a caution. All too often, we do know or we can intuit, and still, we choose to turn our gaze, to ignore what we know is true. Seeing takes courage. But, with sight, comes new possibilities.
Thank you, as always, for being here.
All the best
Karl
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