Kagiso Msimango’s Unf*Ck Yourself
Can you believe that this is the 40th edition of Strategy, Soul and Self? I am feeling quite proud of myself. Indulge me, but I am. Each week for the last 40, I have sat down and drawn on my research to share my thoughts with you. That feels like something worthwhile. And you, you have kept me going with encouragement, advice and complements. Thank you!
This mail was conceptualized whilst we took a few days relaxing at 8 Nerina Street, Greyton. I did little else but stare at the mountains and occasionally scribble down a thought. It was good for the soul. This little cottage has the most beautiful indigenous garden. Speaking of which, this week the Everard Read Gallery introduced me to Nic Bladen’s work – exquisite bronze sculptures representing South Africa’s botanical richness.
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/ STRATEGY
Chip Conley, former Head of Global Strategy at AirBnb, has written, “leaders are the emotional thermostats of those they lead, and our habits as leaders can spread like a contagion.”
Robert Iger, executive chairman of The Walt Disney Company put it this way, “As a leader, you are the embodiment of that company. What that means is this: Your values – your sense of integrity and decency and honesty, the way you comport yourself in the world – are a stand-in for the values of the company. You can be the head of a seven-person organisation or a quarter-million person organisation, and the same truth holds: what people think of you is what they’ll think of your company” (my emphasis).
Are you a CEO, founder, or leader of any team (including ‘team family’)? How is who you are influencing the culture of what you are building? If you’re dissatisfied with the way the business is operating, what about your own behaviour do you need to address?
Are you part of a CEO-selection committee? Do you want to be the custodians of a business that has the characteristics and values of the person in front of you? Do you want to own a business that is spoken about in the same way that your candidate is spoken about? Would you be happy if your children were working for this person?
/ SELF
So, you are leader – we all are – then best you find ways to care for yourself. Who you are, how happy and healthy you are, impacts on how you lead.
Kagiso Msimango’s Unf*ck Yourself, Unf*ck the World is a rollicking read that beautifully, and provocatively, ties the links between how we treat ourselves and how we impact on others.
Msimango takes us on whirlwind tour through everything from plant medicine, behavioural kinesiology, planetary grids, family constellations, coherent breathing and a good few other pitstops.
She does so with a humorous, sometime self-deprecating touch that managed to get me curious about areas of life that ordinarily I would’ve dismissed. That’s a good thing. Our capacity to invent our futures requires curiosity, and she sparked mine about areas that are typically shrouded in impenetrable language.
She makes the point that, “the best gift you can give to all those you want to serve, is to give them healthy energy by making your own wellbeing your number-one priority.”
Many of the leaders I speak to get stuck in the zone of ‘having to deliver’. Yet, in doing that, we all forget that doing it in a sustainable effective manner is dependent on our own healthy energy. To lead effectively, you must care for yourself.
Her book is centred around 13 Unf*ck Thyself Commandments and she draws eclectically on science, spirituality and the esoteric. With regards the latter she says, only slightly tongue-in-cheek, “I truly wish more scientists would go through shamanic initiations; it would speed up our scientific progress.”
When Msimango was herself trying to recover from adrenal fatigue she eventually deployed a mixed bag of interventions that started to work for her. Her physicians were sceptical saying there was no evidence that anything she was doing would have an impact. Her response, “If it works, then who cares?” It is this eclectic experimental approach to her recovery that laid the basis for the book.
I particularly liked Commandment 10 which reads “everyone is f*cking with your mind – join them.”
We are consistently the focus of efforts to capture our attention, the most insidious of which are those notifications from the various apps that rest on your phone. I love the idea of being able to reclaim my attention for myself, and those that I care about.
Msimango advocates that if so many other people are actively seeking to manipulate our moods, join in and take intentional steps to shape your perception of your life. She puts in these demure terms, “You may as well be the one f*cking with your own mind for your benefit.”
She says, “the fact is that if you pay attention to how life is for you as opposed to against you, your experience of it becomes infinitely more pleasant that when you view life as something you have to fight your way through.”
Try this experiment over lunch today. Ask each person at the table to share something that they’re grateful for. Try it in your next meeting in the office. I guarantee you, that lunch will taste better, and your meeting will be more productive.
/ SOUL
Whilst we were in Greyton, we visited the Lismore Wines Tasting Room.
Samantha O’Keefe is one of only three female members of the Cape Winemakers Guild. Her wines are amongst some of South Africa’s most highly rated.
Lismore’s wonderful sommelier-raconteur Hillary told us that in December much of the estate had been devastated by fire, destroying the cellars and Samantha’s home, along with it her wine library and personal cellar (an incalculable loss for a winemaker).
We learnt too of how the global winemaking community rallied support, lending Samantha cellar space, donating grapes for new vintages. Hundreds of people made individual donations on backabuddy, and it is clear from the comments that she has touched many lives.
The essence of a soulful life is being able to give and receive. I don’t know Samantha but is clear from her achievements and the love that she evoked from her community, that she is our kind of leader. You can buy her wine here.
As you enter this week, hold this thought from Msimango, “Somewhere along the way pathological productivity has become the holy grail for which we are happy to sacrifice our wellbeing”.
Look after yourselves.
With love
Karl
PS. The working year is nearly over. Its been a tough one.
Ordinarily I work with my clients over 10-12 sessions over approximately a 6-month period. However, I know that there is an enormous need to process what this year has meant for careers, one’s sense of self, and how to approach the future. Accordingly, I have decided to be available to a limited number of clients for a year-ending intensive introspection. We will meet four times over a six-week period, for an hour and a half at a time, to deeply process the year and plan a way forward.
If you know of anyone who may benefit from this approach, please share this mail with them.
PPS Thank you to Marc Myburgh, Auto Supply’s ‘Modern Elder’ who introduced me to 8 Nerina Street.
(This letter was first published on 18 October 2020)